Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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