i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
