When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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