I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize