So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
