Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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