I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Randomize
