We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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