i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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