If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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