We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize