i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I have fence marks all over my body
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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