I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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