my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
