i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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