Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
