booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You are the jesus of drinking
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
