UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
