erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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