the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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