wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
