Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
