i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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