oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
