Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
