I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
