Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize