I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize