remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
