he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
