Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
