i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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