okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
