He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Randomize
