he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
