u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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