My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
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And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
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Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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