It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
