sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
