hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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