So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
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Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
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I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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