There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize