Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
After tacos, we're chasing women.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
