It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
