That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
