omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
