just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
