i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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