I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
