oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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