you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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