I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
