I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
