I seem to have left my pride at pride
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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