the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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