Where are you?
In a non slutty way
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
