i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
