I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
