i don't like sucking hair
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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