you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
