Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
