I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
