If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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