No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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