I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
