he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
