Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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