Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
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Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
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In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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