I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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