I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Is Oprah even human
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
